cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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