It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
