I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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