if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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