I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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