This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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