It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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