Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
