yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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