we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
