Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
