We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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