just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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