she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
