the condom got lost in my hair
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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