we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
