Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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