I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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