so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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