Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
