This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
