We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
