im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
