I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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