It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
