Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
