she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
