So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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