I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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