it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
