DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
