Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
