question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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