no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
