it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ugly people sure do ruin things
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Randomize
