I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
