You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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