I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
