sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
