people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize