I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
