so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
