She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
