i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
