i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
