Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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