i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
