Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
