If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
