sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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