i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
