Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
