brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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