my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
