Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my shit smells like andre
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
