the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
