She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
