we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
