I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
