I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
