remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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