Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
