I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
