listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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