she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
