the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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