We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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