After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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