Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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