I faked an abortion last night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
this is an emotional support booty call
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
