I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
