I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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