Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
