As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
