brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
