based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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