I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My vagina is very pro this idea
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
